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Economic stimulus payment


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Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.


This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:



Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?


A. It is money that the uk government will send to taxpayers.



Q. Where will the government get this money ?


A. From taxpayers.



Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?


A. Only a smidgen of it.



Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?


A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.



Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?


A. Shut up.




Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:


If you spend the stimulus money at Asda, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .


If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.


If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China .


If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to European contries such as France and Spain .


If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .


If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .


If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.


Instead, keep the money in the UK by:


1) Spending it at car boot sales sales, or


2) Going to rugby games (football is owned wholly by other countries), or


3) Spending it on prostitutes, ,or


4) Beer or


5) Tattoos.


(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.S. )



Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a boot sale and drink beer all day !

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