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Banned from Asda!!


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Banned from ASDA - Didn't like shopping there anyway!


Yesterday I was at my local ASDA buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my

loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.


What did she think I had an elephant?


So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't

have a dog, and that I was starting the Winalot Diet again.. I added that I

probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone

before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.


I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to

load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every

time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works

well and I was going to try it again..

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)


Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because

the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to

sniff an Irish setter’s arse and a car hit me.


I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was

laughing so hard.


I'm now banned from ASDA

Better watch what you ask retired people.


They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

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Guest dave turbo g

Don't take any notice of the Asda staff, there bark is worse then there bite


Dave G

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Banned from Asda??

Myself & a friend were at a music festival,I said to her "They are a band from Cambridge".

She said "Why, what did they do".

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Yep I like it.


Some are more tasty than others and can confirm that the bone shaped are a great snack. Better still if dunked!.


Took some to work in a plastic tube and ate them in front of others, no more do they ask for the home made cake.


Also enjoy rabbit droppings thats what I call raisins, keeps things all piecfull at the work dinner table.


Offer raisens and then tell people that the old guy in the nursing home used to give them to the wife then tell them they used to be choc raisens.


Gives you apresence of of your own.



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  • 2 weeks later...

Or get some salted peanuts and rinse them under the tap to get the salt off.


Leave them in a bowl on the table.


After people have tried a few tell them they're whats left of the chocolate and peanut M&M's as you dont really like peanuts so you just suck the chocolate off !!



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