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Funny but very true.


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Hi all, I got this one from another bike site (looks american)



Wev'e all come across a few of these tools in our time....



HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used

as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object

we are trying to hit.


MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard

cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on boxes

containing seats and motorcycle jackets.


ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their

holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting

holes in bumperss just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.


PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.


HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle.

It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the

more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.


VICE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they

can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.


OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting fire to various

flammable objects in your garage. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake

drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.


WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and

motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16" or 1/2" socket you've

been searching for the last 15 minutes.


DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal

bars out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings

your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part

you were drying.


WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under

the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and

hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time it takes you to say,



HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you

have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle

firmly under the front fender.


EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward off a

hydraulic jack.


TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.


PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbour to see if he has another hydraulic

floor jack.


SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for

spreading mayonnaise. Used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.


"E-Z OUT" BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and

is ten times harder than any known drill bit.


TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.


TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile

strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.


CRAFTSMANS 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that

inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without

the handle.


BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulphuric acid

from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your

battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.





The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light,

it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not

otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose

is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer

shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge.

More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.


PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style

paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name

implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.


AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power

plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to

a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60

years ago by someone in Springfield, and rounds them off.


PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you

needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.


HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2" too short.

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Thanks for making me laugh with that,seem to have a few of those tools in my garage :D

Particularly like the one about the E Z out as I can remember that happening on more than one occasion over the years :evil:

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