Jump to content

Scottish Hurricane Appeal


Recommended Posts

Scottish Hurricane Appeal - Please give generously!



Remember, if you don’t help, they may come to a neighborhood near you.

Liverpool has offered to send teams to help with the looting.

the Welsh complained their hosepipes weren't long enough to help with the flooding.

The English said lucky the jocks have their own government to sort it out.

The Irish said they would help left footers only.


People in Carlisle asked ''where’s Scotland''


Hurricane Bawbags (the sequel) hit central Scotland in the early hours of 3th january 2012.

Victims were seen wandering round aimlessly muttering "Pure mental, man no?"


The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £1m worth of improvements.

Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and Benidorm were damaged.

Three historical areas of burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Giros arrived.


Police state that incidences of looting, muggings and car crime were particularly high during the night,

but calmed down when the hurricane struck.


33 asylum seekers were rescued from Sighthill , rescuers will search another bedroom later.


Radio Clyde reported people confused that something interesting had happened in Scotland.


Resident, Kelly-Marie McTavish, 16 year old mother of 4 said "It gied me a pure frigh' so's it did.

Beyonce and Rihanna came running into ma bedroom a bawlin'. My youngest two, Mariah and Britney slept through it all. Ah wiz still pure shaking when I was watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning, so ah wiz".


The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Pola Cola, 1 bottle of blue nun, and two tons of Cheese Toasties to the borders area before their wheels went missing,

Rescue workers are still searching the rubble and have found quantities of personal belongings


including Cheques, Passports and Benefit books, some even belonging to the residents.


Neighboring Fife offered to accommodate those left homeless,

but the people of Central Scotland decided they were better off where they were.


A Council spokesman has indicated that it would take at least a full morning to get things looking like normal and added "There has been a pure Blitz spirit, everybody's been pure blitzed".


Pradamark has agreed to stay open 3 hours to allow residents to totally refurbish their homes.


Despite all the damage to homes and gardens, the fences are still selling and operating as normal.

Bank of Scotland has considered opening in the afternoons, but local money lenders are dropping

their loan rates to 50% a day to foster good spirit.


The Government has pledged to ensure that bookies, pubs, massages, chippies and other

essential services will reopen as soon as possible.




This Appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.


Most sought after includes - Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Hoodies, Kappa tracksuit tops.

Shell suits (female), white sport socks, Rockport boots or Adidas trainers. Food parcels urgently required to include - Microwave chips, Greggs Pies , Sugar Puffs, Tins of spaghetti, Curly-Wurlies,


Red Cola, Special Brew and Diamond White cans, bottles of Buckie, El Dorado, glue or any spray,

and any whisk(e)y you can lay your hands on. (whiskeyguesthouse.com has donated empty bottles for the filling of)


Just 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms. 99p pays for a tutor to help form filling.

£3.50 buys chips, crisps and Irn-Bru for a family of 5. £4 pays for a pouch of tobacco, papers and


lighter to calm the nerves of those afflicted.


and Remember, if you don’t help, they may come to a neighborhood near you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Create New...