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Best divorce letterâ€


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I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've

been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you

quit your job today and that was the last straw.


Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut,

had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk

boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching

all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or

anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me

or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.


Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to Spain

together! Have a great life!


************************************************************ *********


Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.


It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good

man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because

they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.


I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that

came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not

to say anything if you can't say something nice, didn't comment.


And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with

MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.


About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the £49.99 price

tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister

had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.


After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So

when I hit the lotto for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought us two

tickets to Jamaica.. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens

for a reason, I guess..


I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that

the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So take care.



Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!


P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born

Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

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